Thembrian Air Force

Established during the Great War, the Glorious People's Air Force constitutes the aerial branch of the massive Thembrian military. Responsible for preserving peace in the skies over Thembria, the air force constantly guards Thembrian airspace against any foreign invaders, in addition to transporting materials and supplies within Thembria and abroad. Colonel Spigot, head of the Thembrian Air Force, has complete command of the various airborne resources, using them to ensure the security and safety of the Motherland. However, even Colonel Spigot must relinquish control of the Air Force to the High Marshall in important matters.

Thembrian Airspace

According to Thembrian government policy, official Thembrian airspace covers the entire Thembrian continent as well as several nearby islands and small land masses. In addition, an outer perimeter extends one hundred miles or more from the mainland, providing a comfortable cushion of airspace surrounding the continent. Thembrian airspace is subdivided into various sectors, many of which are restricted (such as those around military bases and other non-civilian installations).

To travel safely through free airspace, pilots must fly along a series of "air vectors" — designated checkpoints scattered throughout the Thembrian continent, used mainly for navigation and inspection purposes. Nearly 10,000 air vectors exist in Thembria, any of which can be cleared or closed on a moment's notice by those with top authority, such as Colonel Spigot or the High Marshall himself. Ironically, most ordinary Thembrian pilots don't even know what an air vector is!

Thembrian airspace is closely monitored from designated command posts at several locations, including the Thembrian capital, which use ground radar to track inbound planes. As this system is still new, radar operators can only determine range and heading from the radar screen. Controllers usually identify unknown craft through radio communication, or visual confirmation by one of the many groups of Juggernaut fighters patrolling the perimeter of Thembrian airspace.

Foreign pilots entering Thembria must land at a specified ground station, where their planes are subjected to a standard inspection and bomb check. Meanwhile, the pilot's passport is verified and he is processed for clearance. Somewhat paranoid about the possibility of spies invading their country, Thembrian inspectors demand to see up-to-date passports to prove a person is who he claims to be. It doesn't matter if you're master spy Mahatma Hari or a postal worker who likes to wear a trenchcoat — no one enters Thembria without valid identification.

Should a foreign plane resist orders to land or turn back, they will likely be forced down instead. Thembrian fighter patrols use whatever methods are necessary to subdue violators — methods which include aerial dragnets and large objects dropped from above — after which the offenders are reprimanded in the usual Thembrian fashion, which may include permanent confiscation of their aircraft by the state. Few foreign pilots are careless enough to cross restricted Thembrian airspace, usually skirting the border instead. As promotions in the air force depend largely on the number of trespassers brought down, some Thembrian commanders play a little loose with the actual boundaries of Thembrian airspace to their own advantage.

Thembrian Pilots

Dedicated members of the Glorious People's Air Force, Thembrian pilots fly the many fighter planes, transports, and bombers that defend and serve the country of Thembria. Trained in piloting and air combat, they are the best (but not necessarily the brightest) that the Thembrian Air Force has to offer.

Applicants for the air force must meet necessary state requirements and submit to a battery of physical and mental examinations. While almost anyone can apply for a position in the Thembrian Air Force, several of the most successful, highly-favored applicants are related to a veteran pilot of the Great War. After "measuring up" to the standards, new recruits enroll in the Thembrian Air Force Academy, where they learn such essential skills as

bootlace tying, medal polishing, and saluting. Those applicants who fail are sent to turnip-peeling school instead.

Most Thembrian pilots receive only a rudimentary education in aircraft piloting and air combat tactics, although practically all of them are very good shots. As flyers, Thembrians are extremely uncoordinated almost to the point of being totally incompetent. Mid-air crashes are common among planes flown by Thembrians, and almost everyone has heard of the near-suicidal landings for which Thembrian pilots are notorious.

Fighter Corps

The major division of the Glorious People's Air Force, the fighter corps is where the majority of Thembrian flyers serve. Piloting fighter planes and bombers, the members of the fighter corps have the honor of preserving the sanctity of Thembrian airspace under direct orders from their fearless leader, Colonel Spigot.

Most Thembrian fighters fly patrol missions along the perimeter of Thembrian territory, always on the lookout for trespassing foreign aircraft; or, they serve escort duties for larger planes such as Thembrian transports. In case of stubborn or persistent targets, Thembrian bombers might be called in to deal with the threat, although only in extreme circumstances. Due to peacetime conditions, Thembrian aerial forces no longer carry bombs or any "live" ordnance — in fact, the entire Thembrian bomb industry has been permanently shut down since the end of the Great War.

Instead, Thembrian fighters and bombers commonly bombard hostile targets with surplus items like pianos and lunch meat, which have proven effective nonetheless in subduing trespassing planes. Of course, bullets are never in short supply in the Thembrian military, and Thembrian warplane pilots exercise the right to fire liberally at any aircraft which resists direct orders.

Transport Division

The Thembrian Ministry of Lawn Ornaments Transport.

Another important division of the Thembrian Air Force is the transport fleet. Consisting of dozens of Thembrian heavy transports and air freighters, the Thembrian transport division delivers bulk goods, ammunition, and other supplies to various locations both in the country of Thembria and abroad.

Thembrian transports are called upon most often to fly surplus goods to warehouses and storage compounds within the Thembrian continent. Thembrian industry being as chaotic as it is, transports constantly relocate surplus items to government stockpiles and ship much-needed foodstuffs and ammunition to branches of the Thembrian military. The transport crews work long hours, enduring tedious flights as well as extensive paperwork upon arrival.

Foreign trade is a secondary concern of the Thembrian transport division. Since trade with the outside world is conducted by the Thembrian government, military bulk transports often ship tons of goods overseas to foreign destinations. One of the largest of these planes, the 250-foot Ministry of Lawn Ornaments cargo freighter, regularly transports shipments of blue plastic flamingoes to Cape Suzette.

Ground-to-Air Defenses

When the Thembrian Air Force's fighter patrols fail to intercept an invading foreign aircraft, commanders often resort to using ground-based weapons to bring the trespassers down. Many ground-to-air defenses are in place around important Thembrian bases and cities, capable of stopping all but the most persistent invaders.

While conventional artillery plays a major role in Thembria's anti-aircraft defense system, frequent ammunition shortages and unexpected equipment malfunctions have forced many commanders to come up with alternate strategies. In desperate situations, anti-aircraft crews may use primitive catapults to hurl heavy objects such as bathtubs at low-flying aircraft. Despite how lunatic these ideas sound, such tactics actually do work, at least well enough to force targets into crash-landing.

At longer ranges, however, conventional anti-aircraft artillery becomes essential. In addition to fixed artillery emplacements, many Thembrian army divisions and airbases possess a number of mobile anti-aircraft cannons which can be wheeled into position in a matter of minutes. With ranges of several miles, cannons such as "Really Big Bertha" of the Thembrian Gruel Reserve compound — in the hands of capable gunners — can bring down almost anything in the skies above Thembria.